Terminus Genesis
by Nenya Entwhistle
Summary: (complete) “Broken Toy’s” sequel. Harry has opened his eyes again, and he knows nothing of his life before. He has emerged from the “erasiere vita” spell a blank slate. His essence is still Harry, but how does he start from the beginning again.
1. Primary

**TERMINUS GENESIS  
**_the sequel to "Broken Toy"  
_by Nenya Entwhistle

Note: I've italicized _he_ when the pronoun doesn't refer to Severus when it's especially ambiguous. That's because Harry doesn't think of himself as Harry yet. When he does, I'll start using Harry.

Part 1  
_Primary_

He woke up. He opened his eyes, and he knew nothing. He saw things, and knew what they were but what he didn't know was more important. He had no idea who he was. The concept of "him" he didn't know. He looked around the room, a nice room, he thought, wondering if there might be clues as to who he was.

He saw that there were pictures on the wall, pictures of people laughing and waving. He didn't recognize any of them. But he did know what they were. They were wizards. They had to be because the photos were wizarding photos. They moved unlike muggle ones. It was odd, he thought, that he knew facts but he didn't have memories. Was he suffering from amnesia? Had he had a terrible accident? Maybe, he decided, and it was good to know he still knew things if he didn't know his life. It was better to know something than to know nothing.

He went back to studying the pictures, noticing that quite a bit of the collection was of a smiling green-eyed boy. The boy always looked a bit wistful and shy, he noted. The boy had quite messy hair, but it didn't look too bad, and neither did the glasses. He wondered who the boy was, and what the boy meant to him. He had to mean something or else there wouldn't be so many pictures of him. Who was the boy?

"You're awake!"

He didn't recognize the voice, but he turned anyway to see if maybe--- if somehow there might be some recognition. He turned and saw a dark haired, dark eyed man who he didn't know. Nothing was familiar; then again he wasn't even familiar with himself. He didn't know his name, didn't know his age, didn't know much of anything. It would probably be wise to learn something soon. It wouldn't be good to be left this ignorant. It might be dangerous, though he didn't know why.

"You've finally woke up." There was emotion in the strange man's voice, and it sounded like he couldn't believe that _he_ was awake. Why was that? Had he been sleeping for a long time? He frowned and tried to remember but there was nothing to grab to remember. "It's been a week. I almost thought, I--- we were worried."

The strange man sounded worried, but there was something else. Something that he couldn't quite identify. "Have I been sleeping a long time?"

"Yes," the strange man responded abruptly. "Yes, you have."

"Oh." He didn't know what to say to that. He really didn't know how to react to this man either. He might have seen one picture with the strange man in it, but he'd been scowling in that one. The strange man hadn't seemed that important. After all, one picture compared to the dozens the green-eyed boy was in? But still, the strange man might be important.

"Who are you?" he asked first, then felt foolish. The strange man ought to know who he was, and he should have asked that instead.

"Severus Snape," the strange man replied. "My name's Severus Snape."

"Who am I?"

The strange--- Severus Snape smiled, and it transformed his face. The--- Severus Snape didn't look so severe when he smiled. He actually looked rather okay. "You're Harry Potter," he said.

"I'm Harry Potter," he repeated. He didn't feel like Harry Potter. Who was Harry Potter? He didn't know. It was just a name. It was a name that meant nothing to him. Just like the man in front of him, meant nothing. Everything meant nothing. There was no context because he had no life to draw any meaning from. He couldn't even feel miserable, though he did feel lost. "Harry Potter."

"Yes," Severus said. "Yes, you are."

"_Who_ am I?"

Severus' dark eyes seemed to get lost in thought, contemplation before they turned and looked into his eyes. What color were his eyes, he wondered. He didn't know. He should ask for a mirror. Everyone ought to know what they look like. He'd also like to know how tall he was and how much he weighed. But he'd settle for know what color his eyes were.

"You are a beautiful, sweet, and earnest young man. You're someone who has a pure heart, who gives without taking," Severus whispered, his dark eyes staring intensely at him. "You're…"

Obviously, this man felt something for him. He might have thought that Severus was his father, he certainly was old enough and he felt that he was young enough. But the way Severus was talking about him wasn't the way a parent talks about a child. Severus definitely wasn't his father. But what was Severus to him?

"What are you to me?" he asked abruptly.

"I'm…" Severus seemed to be fishing for words. "I'm your friend… and your caretaker."

"Because I'm sick?"

He didn't felt sick, but he definitely wasn't okay if he didn't remember anything about his life. He thought it was odd that he knew concrete facts about things, but he didn't know anything about anyone and nothing about himself. But definitely knew facts, and he could definitely think things logically. He ought to be hysterical, knowing he had no idea who he was, but he wasn't. It wouldn't do any good to get worked up. It wouldn't help. Only asking questions that would help him find out, would do any good.

Severus frowned. "You're not sick."

"But I've been sleeping for a long time?"

"Well, you haven't been well."

"But," he protested, "wouldn't that mean I was sick?"

"Being sick indicates a physical illness, and you haven't been physically ill," Severus answered. "You have been unwell in other regards."

"In the head," he remarked thoughtfully. "Right?"

Severus winced. Obviously, the older man didn't like his blunt answer. But it was true. Unfortunately. He didn't see a reason to tiptoe around the issue. He didn't see what good it would do. He thought it best to rush forward rather than to try to be subtle about it. He didn't think he was a very patient person, and he thought he was rather the type that was inclined to rush into something without thinking. He wondered if you lost a part of your personality when you forgot who you are or not?

"What happened to me?" he asked. "To make me forget everything?"

Severus cleared his throat, as if he was really uncomfortable in the position he was in. _He _supposed it was a hard position to be in, after all Severus was going to have to explain what was wrong with him. "You didn't forget everything," Severus stated, his dark eyes looking clouded. "You might think you have retrograde amnesia, but that isn't case. It isn't a case of forgetting anything. You asked to have your life's memories erased. And I'm sure you're wondering how that's possible, but it is because---"

"Of magic," he finished. "You're a wizard, aren't you?"

"How did you know that?" Severus inquiring, looking taken back and _he_ figured that wasn't a normal reaction for Severus.

"I know things, stuff, but I don't know anything about who you are as it pertains to me or even who you are as pertains to you. But I know you're a wizard because the pictures are wizarding pictures, so I assume that this is a wizarding house. And you said you were my caretaker, so you must be a wizard then to live in such a house."

Severus looked fairly stunned, and the expression looked weird on him. "I am a wizard," Severus confirmed. "And you are right, this is my house. But I have to say… I'm impressed with your logical deduction."

"Was I not logical before?" he asked. Again, Severus looked a bit taken back. "You seemed surprised, is all. So I'm guessing I wasn't…"

"You tended to rush into things without thinking," Severus murmured. So _he_ was right then. He had been a headstrong person. "It's hard to think you thinking logically of things when acted so often without thinking."

He smiled, and he heard Severus catch his breath. Severus definitely acted like he was more than a friend. He didn't really know why he knew this, he just did. Like he'd known the pictures on the walls were wizarding ones. It was nice knowing he could think of things like that. That he wasn't an entire blank slate, especially when it looked like he wasn't going to get any recollection of his past life back.

"I feel like wanting to rush headlong and ask you a bunch of questions," he admitted. "I'm restraining myself, right now."

Severus' lips quirked up a bit with amusement, _he _thought. The slight smile really did transform Severus' face. It looked half attractive. He could almost see himself in a relationship with the man. Were they? "You don't have to," Severus murmured. "I was expecting to fulfill your curiosity."

"Am I curious person?"

"You are."

He bit his bottom lip. He wanted to know, he needed to know… "I'm not ever going to get my memories back, am I?"

Severus shook his head. "No, no you aren't. The spell that was used to erase your life memories is far more powerful than the usual memory forgetting charm, _obliviate. _Even if you wanted to reverse it, it can't be done. It's already gone. You could see your life again, from another person's point of view, through a pensieve perhaps. But other than that, your life as you have known it, is gone."

"Why did I want to forget?" he whispered. "You said I asked to have my memories erased."

"You did," Severus replied. "I think it's better if we wait a while before tackling that issue. Is there anything else you want to ask me?"

He laughed. "Is there anything? There's a lot!"

"Then ask away," Severus said generously.

Confronted with a source of supposing limitless knowledge about himself, especially compared to what he knew, he was drawing a blank as to what to ask. No, it wasn't that he had nothing to ask, it was that he had so much to ask that he didn't know where to start. Did he ask about his life before? Or did he ask about more abstract things, like Severus' opinion of who he was?

"What color are my eyes?" He asked this because it was safe to ask. And it was something more about him to know.

Severus raised his hand, as if to touch him. But his hand dropped back down before it was even halfway there. "Your eyes," Severus answered," are green."

"Green? Olive green? Hazel green?"

Severus shook his head. "No, no, they're like emeralds. They're a brilliant, forest green."

"Oh."

"You have beautiful eyes, Harry."

His body jerked when Severus called him that. He stared at the man who was calling him something he didn't feel like he was. He blinked; he blinked his green eyes. He was a young man, according to Severus, a beautiful and earnest, sweet man with green eyes whose name was Harry. He could believe the green eyes, they were a physical fact. He didn't know if he believed the rest. And the name still didn't feel right. But if Severus had said his name was something else, like… he didn't know, Daniel, he would feel that was strange and not him, too, wouldn't he?

He wasn't so sure.

"Harry?" Severus reached for him, and he flinched before the man could even touch him. He saw the pain in Severus' eyes, and it only confirmed what he'd suspected. Clearly, he was more than a friend to Severus. He was willing to bet, they were lovers. But how long had he been Severus' Harry? "Are you okay, Harry?"

Was he okay as Harry? He didn't know, but he answered, "I'm fine."

-

**Author's Note:** Basically, Harry has no memories of his life but he knows facts about things. He has no memories of anything that would pertain to his life or know anyone, but he does know general facts of existence. I didn't really want to start him as a child and have to build him up again. So basically, he's like someone with retrograde amnesia, but there's no chance of him getting his memories back. Though I might have Harry observe some of his past life in the pensieve Severus has. Anyway, how do you like the start of this? It's tentatively scheduled to be 4 parts long, and I'm usually good at predicting how long my stories are. The sequel's not quite as beautifully written as "Broken Toy," but I think I got the bewildering feel of Harry and his very mechanical way of thinking b/c he's trying v. hard not to be hsyterical. And man... was it hard to write. And of course, this is all my imagination. BTW, anyone know why I named the title like I did?


	2. Secondary

**TERMINUS GENESIS  
**By Nenya Entwhistle

Part 2  
_Secondary_

Severus liked watching Harry. Even though this Harry said he didn't feel like Harry Potter. He kept saying the name Harry Potter didn't feel like him, but this the boy who said this was pretty much the same Harry he had been before. The only difference was this Harry didn't have the dark cloud over him, and this Harry didn't hate him like he had before. Though Severus would admit, it was a good deal his fault.

Severus liked to believe that Harry was exactly the same, that this was the way Harry would have been if nothing bad had ever happened to him. It was nice to think that, and sometimes Severus really did believe that. But it was hard to say for certain if Harry would ever have been like this if nothing bad had happened to him. Because bad things had happened and he had fallen in love with Harry despite or was it because of that?

Severus didn't know. He did know there were differences in spite of the similarities.

-

The way Harry smiled was the same. It was his first year smile, sweet and innocent. Severus adored that smile, and he tried everything to get Harry to smile. But what he liked most was how bright Harry's eyes were. Harry had such beautiful eyes, and Severus never would have allowed Harry to do what he'd done if he'd know it'd dull those green lights.

"You're staring at me again," Harry remarked.

Severus blinked and smiled apologetically. "I don't mean to."

"It's okay. I'm just telling you."

His eyes shifted around the room, not meeting Harry's eyes. "Does it bother you?"

"No," Harry answered. "I just wonder when you'll tell me that we were more than friends."

_He knew! He knew! He knew! _His mind shouted like a mental mantra. Severus had thought that he hadn't been overtly obvious, but then again he'd never known how to hide his feelings from Harry. Even when he'd almost hated the brat, his feelings had been well known. The only time he had to hide then was when it'd been absolutely necessary, like with Voldemort. Now there was no need, and he supposed the love was showing through too easily. And why should he hide it, besides?

"How do you know?" Severus croaked. He might admit that he didn't have to hide it, but it still surprised him that Harry had picked it up. The Harry he knew had been prone to being oblivious. It was a difference in this Harry and the Harry he'd known. This Harry was a lot more insightful, far more thoughtful. It scared him to think that maybe with these changes this Harry wouldn't love him. After all, there was no impetus to drive Harry to him like Voldemort had. Harry didn't need him.

"It's the way you look at me, mostly," Harry whispered.

"How do I look at you?"

"You look at me like there's nothing you'd rather look at, but me," he responded. "There something about how your entire being lightens up when you realize I'm with you. And then there's everything you do for me. You take care of me, such good care that I want for nothing." He smiled that smile Severus loved. "I'm going to be spoiled rotten."

"Never!"

Harry's smile only widened. "Don't you see? It's so obvious."

Severus supposed it was.

-

His fingers itched to hold Harry. But he didn't know if this Harry would like him to hold him or not. He didn't want to wrap his arms around the young man only to have him run from him. It had taken a while for Harry not pull away when he approached. He supposed it was only logical for Harry to shy away from him; after all, even though he knew he knew Harry, Harry didn't know that. To Harry, Severus was an unknown as much as Harry was to himself.

Severus told himself that he would be patient that he would wait for Harry to come to him. It was hard though, Severus didn't think he was a particularly patient man when he didn't have to be. It was probably the reason why he'd never make a good teacher, even if he was a brilliant Potions Master. Simply being able to brew the potions, didn't mean he could teach it.

It was hard waiting though, especially when he knew Harry knew he loved him.

-

"You shouldn't scowl so much."

Severus frowned, trying to think if he had been scowling or not. Most likely, he had been. It was a common facial expression for him. He did it when he was concentrating, as it took effort and a blank face didn't seem right for such an intense moment. He imagined he scowled a lot when he was brewing potions, like he was now. The scowl was probably fiercer than normal as he was trying to control himself from snapping at Harry. Why, oh Merlin, why had he agreed to re-teach him potions?

"You'll get wrinkles."

He snorted, like he cared about physical beauty. Although, he did care what Harry thought about him. He didn't want to be unattractive to Harry. He knew, already, that he wasn't an attractive person. If having less wrinkles made him more attractive, he could try not to scowl so much. He even attempted to smile, even though smiling made his face feel wrong. Severus didn't feel like he was the type that should smile.

"You look good when you smile."

Severus felt a blush creeping from his body to his face. He hoped that his normally sallow skin tone would keep and that the body blush would go no further. He wasn't sure he succeeded or not, since his face felt awfully hot. He bit the insides of his mouth and gestured sharply at Harry to continuing stirring. He also gave him a glare that said the young man ought to be paying more attention to the potion he was brewing than his smile.

Harry only smiled in response and said, "I like it when you smiled."

Severus couldn't stop his blush this time.

-

Teaching Harry magic again was a pain in the ass. Unfortunately, it had to be done. Harry was a danger to himself and to others until he learned to control the amount of raw magic he held within him. It would have been harder if Harry had been his impetuous Gryffindor self, but he was acting much more cautious now. He was far more careful than the Harry that Severus had been used to, the Harry that Severus had fallen in love with.

But regardless of the little differences, because Severus convinced himself that the differences were minor, Severus still loved Harry. If anything, Severus loved Harry even more because this Harry didn't scoff at potions, actually tried even though he was never going to be that good it. Severus had always thought that he could never love someone that couldn't brew a complicated potion, and he was proven right thanks to Harry's newly found potion skills. It was unfortunate that Harry couldn't relearn magic by osmosis, so Severus could concentrate on the more important things like helping the brat master the art of Potion-making.

Oh well, Harry would have to learn the hard way.

-

"_Wingardium leviosa_!" Harry exclaimed.

Severus felt himself lifted gently by the impishly smiling young man. Everyday, there were differences he noted and then again, there were more similarities he saw. This Harry like his Harry had a propensity for mischief. Severus didn't really understand why. It must be a trait of Gryffindor House because there were certainly no Weasley twins to teach Harry the art of troublemaking. No, Harry did quite well without them. Thank Merlin there was no one to encourage him.

"Put me down this instance!" he roared, though he wasn't really upset. It was nice to know that Harry was a lot like the Harry that he knew. And it did kind of concern him how serious this Harry was at times, as if Harry had finally grown up from the child he'd known and gotten to know again because of Voldemort. Of course, the broken child Harry had been wasn't quite the same as the 11 year old Harry--- but closer than this mature Harry was to either of them.

"Not until you tell me what you're thinking about!"

Severus scowled. "You." He was always thinking about Harry, especially when he told himself not to. "Who else?"

Harry smiled and shrugged, lowering his wand which effectively lowered Severus' hovering body. "I don't know," Harry remarked. "I don't really know what you think about. If I did, I'd be a mind-reader. And then I wouldn't have to ask. Would I?"

This Harry was far more logical than the Harry he'd loved. Severus didn't know if that made him love Harry more or less. It was a rather significant change, much more so than anything else about Harry. There were small things, but the logic was definitely the biggest. Severus might believe Harry would be more logical if he hung around only Hermione, for the Granger woman was almost too fact-logic based for even his taste. But Harry had no interaction with him. He just was… very logical by himself.

"If you could read my mind," Severus remarked wryly, "you would think that this old man thinks far too much about you and your tight ass."

Harry blushed and Severus smirked. It was fun, teasing this Harry, since this Harry knew and pretty much accepted Severus' love for him. And that made things easier, to some degree, but it was still hard not knowing if Harry loved him or not. Severus knew the other Harry had, the other Harry had clung to him like he was a lifeline. The other Harry had needed Severus. This Harry needed him now, but for how long? And when this Harry didn't need him, would he go away and leave him all alone?

"Anyways," Severus said and clearing his throat, "I think you've mastered this spell."

Harry nodded. "What spell are we going to learn next?"

"The Summoning Charm," Severus responded.

Harry grinned, and Severus really felt a tingle of dread going down his spine. It was the same sort of dread that the Weasley twins inspired or perhaps, the Marauders. In Harry's mischievousness, Severus could see the James Potter in him. He almost wanted to hate that, but he could never hate Harry for all that Harry had done for him… for all of them. Besides, he loved the pesky brat.

"So…" Harry drawled, "does that mean I get to summon myself a Snape by saying the latin word for summon… _summonus_?"

"No, Potter," Severus snapped, feeling good to have some bite behind his words since this new Harry could take his sarcasm the way the broken Harry couldn't, "it's _accio_, you nitwit."

Harry's grin only widened. "Too bad I'm a nitwit you love, so what does that make you?"

A bigger nitwit was Severus' unspoken thought.

-

It took months to re-teach Harry all the magic he'd forgotten. But, luckily, Harry was quick study. If only, Severus thought, Harry had been this eager to learn the first time around then maybe things could have turned out for the better. If only Harry had been as efficient at occlumency then as he was now… but it was no good to dwell on the past. The past was painful, especially when he thought about how that Harry had loved and depended on him.

This Harry flirted with him. A gesture here, a word there, and maybe a slight touch when he least expected him, but Severus didn't know what to make of all this. He wasn't used to having Harry pursue him. He wasn't used to having to pursue Harry either. They had come together the first time out of a need, out of necessity and in spite all the horrors surrounding them, they'd fallen in love.

Did this Harry really want him or was this a fancy of his overactive imagination?

-

**Author's Note:** Wow, the inspiration is running low and I thought this was some crappy writing. I'll try to make it up to you in the next chapter which will be the last addition. I thought I'd have more to say, but I've think I've said all I need to say about what Severus thinks and has to say. Anyway, I still think the scenes were cute--- even though I could have done things a bit more elegantly. Ah well... I got the message across right? And it wasn't too bad? (I'll probably rewrite this when I can think straight...) So what do you think?


	3. Tertiary

**TERMINUS GENESIS  
**By Nenya Entwhistle

Part 3  
_Tertiary_

Harry didn't know what to make of Severus. When he thought about how Severus loved him, he was confused. Did Severus love him as himself or did Severus only see him as an intruder in the body of someone he'd once loved? There was still love in those dark eyes, but Harry didn't know if it was really for him or not.

Sometimes, he thought so and other times he drifted back into confusion.

-

The man was brewing again.

Harry understood he was never going to have much talent with Potions no matter how hard he tried. One simply wasn't good at something because they tried. One could get decent at it with enough practice, but some things just required an innate talent. A talent that Harry did not possess with Potions. He made up for that in other disciplines though. He was quite good at Transfiguration, brilliant at Charms, and a Defense against the Dark Arts expert.

Nevertheless, Harry liked watching Severus brew. He liked watching the thin, long, elegant fingers pinching off the right amount of ingredients to add to the potion. Besides, it was a nice break from relearning spell after spell of stuff that he should have already known. It was calm, soothing, relaxing watching Severus at work.

"Are you going to watch me all night?" Severus snapped. "You ought to be sleeping."

"It's only 11."

"Late enough for bed."

It was on the tip of his tongue to say, _If you'll join me. _But he wasn't ready to start a relationship with Severus yet. He didn't know if he even wanted to. Did he only want Severus because Severus was the only person he saw? That was definitely a part of it, but he didn't know if it was a huge part or not. And then there was the old Harry factor.

He had just started to see himself as Harry, calling himself Harry. He didn't think he was ready to deal with the identity issue he was bound to have if he was to start a relationship with Severus, because that meant dealing with the shadow of himself. He'd have to compete against himself, and was that even possible?

"I'm fine where I am," he remarked with what he knew was a cheeky smile.

"Brat," Severus retorted, but it was said with a casual affection that made Harry's spine tingle.

-

Harry liked to creep in and watch him sleep.

There was a peace on Severus' face that wasn't there when he was awake. It was as if Severus was remembering the nightmares that had haunted him, and Harry wished, almost, that he had his memories back so that he could relate to Severus. But he didn't, and seeing how tortured Severus was sometimes, how Severus would start twisting near daybreak was enough to rid Harry of that wild thought.

"You know," he whispered, "you're beautiful to me."

Of course, Severus was sleeping, so his confession was safe. He still wasn't sure, still wasn't sure if the occasional touches that Severus returned was for him or for the memory of him.

-

When the nightmares would come, Harry knew it was time to leave.

He would have liked to wake Severus up, but then that would let Severus know that he wasn't sleeping when he should have been. It was better for Severus not to know. Severus already complained that he didn't think Harry got enough sleep. Harry snorted, he wasn't a child anymore.

The little that Severus had told him about how he had been before… he had decided to use the _erasiere vita_ spell… was enough to let him know that he didn't even want to see a memory of it. When Severus had offered a few weeks ago, he had said no. No, it was all right, he didn't need to see the pensieve. Severus had said it was a wise choice, but Harry had a feeling that he felt like a bloody coward and Severus thought the same.

Harry huddled on the window sill, something Severus had told him he had used to do. Of course, he didn't remember doing so, but he could guess at why he had. It was soothing, calming to sit and to stare out at the dark night's sky or to see the sun rising again to start another new day. There was a promise, looking out like that, of a new beginning, like the one he'd been given?

But would there be another chance for him and Severus now? He wasn't the same Harry anymore, and as much as he wanted to start a relationship with Severus--- he didn't want Severus to be wanting him to be the Harry that he couldn't be anymore. He knew that Severus said he hadn't changed, but he knew that something had to have changed. He wasn't exactly the same person without his memories.

"You should be sleeping," he heard Severus' hoarse voice. Harry jerked his head, stunned to see Severus there. Had he been loud? Had the door creaked when he'd opened it? Had he inadvertently waken up Severus? He hadn't meant to disturb the older man, not at all.

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I just can't."

"Are you here every night?"

Harry hesitated before nodding. It wasn't like he could lie to Severus; Severus would see right through it. "Yes."

"Harry…" Severus said with a sigh, "you need to get your rest."

"I'm not sick anymore!" Harry exclaimed. "And I'm not a child!"

"That's exactly what a child says," Severus snapped, his eyes narrowing and it almost seemed like his nose enlarged.

Harry leapt off the ledge and stalked over to Severus, mentally noting that he must have picked it up from watching Severus stalk around the room when he was impatient about something and not really noticing him in the room. "I am not a child anymore," Harry stated, reaching up with his hand to caress Severus' sallow cheeks. He hadn't know if he wanted to, but touching Severus as he was now--- he knew he needed it. "Would a child do this?"

He leaned forward, on his tiptoes and kissed the corner of Severus' mouth, drew back and kissed Severus on the lips. Merlin, he didn't know why he'd waited all these months to do this. He had wanted to a few days after he had woken up again. But he hadn't, and look at the time he'd wasted when he could have been kissing Severus.

"_Yesss_," Harry hissed. Harry nipped at Severus' lips, encouraged the older man to open his mouth, wondering if he was doing a good job or not. Even though he was going on pure instinct, and maybe his body had some visceral memories of previous mouth to mouth sessions--- this was technically his first kiss. "Oh Merlin, _yesss_."

"I want you," he heard Severus whisper.

His only answer was to kiss Severus back. One thing led to another until he was pushed backwards against the wall and his lips were thoroughly ravished. When he thought that if he didn't get some air, he'd happily suffocate—Severus pulled away.

"We can't do this," Severus murmured hoarsely. "We can't."

Severus stumbled backwards, shaking his head. Harry wanted to ask why, but Severus had already left. Harry curled up into a ball, and wondered what had he done wrong? _We can't do this, we can't, _he heard Severus' words going over and over again in his head at what had seemed like a perfect first kiss. He didn't understand. _Why not?_

-

"I'm sorry," Severus told him the next morning. "I'm sorry about last night."

Harry braced himself, not sure if he wanted to hear Severus' explanation. In his head, he had already mulled through the reasons why Severus would have pulled back and said that they couldn't do this. None of the reasons were what he wanted to hear come out of Severus' mouth. Harry bit his lips and hoped, hoped hard that he was wrong.

"I shouldn't have left like that."

_Bloody damn right!_

"I… I thought I was kissing the old you, and that's wrong… to think that when I was kissing you."

Harry closed his eyes. _Fuck! Fuck! _

"I still feel something for you, but it's hard for me to know what," Severus murmured. "Everything's changed, and I've wanted to believe that you're the same, but you aren't. And you deserve to be loved for yourself and not what you were once."

"Is it even possible for you to love me again?" Harry asked.

Severus' dark eyes pinned his green ones. "Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

Severus' gaze wavered. "Why?"

"Because…"

Severus raised his eyebrow.

"…I'm falling in love with you again."

Until he'd said, Harry hadn't known exactly what he'd been feeling. But now that he'd said it, he knew it. He was falling in love with the man he'd loved before. Why? Why the bloody hell not? Severus was everything anyone could ask for. No, he wasn't nice. He wasn't good looking. But he was understanding, and he cared. He did things, little things that made things work. And Harry wanted it to work again with him whole instead of whatever broken pieces he'd been before.

"Severus?"

"I didn't think that was possible," Severus said, a ghost smile on his lips. "For you to fall in love with me, but…" he whispered, his eyes darkened as he were seeing something far away into the distance that wasn't there, "now I know."

And the only thing Harry could think of was: _At least he knew. _

-

It was ironic, Harry thought, that he was the one that was pursuing Severus when it ought to be the other way around. After all, it was Severus that was the one that had been in love with him in the first place, and it was Severus that had gone through this crazy idea for him because of that love. And it was Severus that had been so loving, while Harry had been getting used to the idea of having to start over again.

And yet, Severus was the one that was backing away from starting anything. It was Severus that was saying no, instead of him. Harry didn't want to understand, but he did. He understood that he was different, and that even though he looked like the old Harry it didn't mean he was the old Harry. Maybe his personality wasn't so different, but his lack of experience changed his view of the world and it was that lack that made it difficult to relate sometimes with Severus' nightmares. Harry knew the ideal, but unlike his old self had no experience and could offer only hollow solace.

Harry sighed and resumed wall staring.

-

"Harry," Severus said one day, many days later, "Harry?"

Harry turned away from the wall, a wall he'd gotten quite fond of in his self musings after everything that had gone wrong in trying to get things to go right. He wondered if it was worth his sanity, or peace of mind, or whatever to lose what very well was _the _love. He tried to smile, but he knew he failed. "Yes, Severus?"

"Stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Staring into oblivion," Severus murmured.

Harry shrugged. "There's nothing else to do."

"You have to give me time," Severus stated abruptly. "I gave you time."

"I know." Harry's gaze shifted from the wall to where Severus was standing by the doorway. "I'm giving you time. And so I spend my time wall gazing. Is that so wrong?"

"No, no it's not."

Harry's eyes moved back to the stone, grey wall. "If that's all you have to say, then you can leave."

"Harry… I,…"

"I'll wait," Harry said. "I can wait for this."

Severus gulped. "It's just, I've got to clear things out in my head, between what you were and what you are. I don't--- I don't want to love you and it not be you. It wouldn't be fair for either of us."

Harry knew this. He'd realized this after enough wall reflecting. Severus had issues that he had to get over, issues that Harry had gotten over by his memory erasure. Harry had taken, sometimes, he thought, the easier route and sometimes the harder one. But either way Severus had his issues to deal with, like could he love Harry without Harry being damaged and sharing in painful experience? Harry hoped for this; he wished for this, but he didn't know this.

"I know," Harry said. He smiled faintly. "I give you time you gave me."

Severus' lips echoed Harry's smile. "Thank you."

Harry closed his eyes. "You're welcome, my love."

**FINIS.**

-

**Author's Note:** I won't be writing anymore in this universe, I've decided not to do a backstory b/c it's implied enough already. As for how it ends, well Severus needs time to get over his love confusion... does he love this Harry b/c he loved the old Harry and so is merely transferring his love, (which he realizes in the kiss) or does he love this Harry for this Harry (which he ought to?)? He's got his demons to work, much like Harry worked out his demons by erasing his past. Anyway, I'm glad I wrote this. What'd you guys think?


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